the obsessions of the m/

And I made I new blog. A better one. So go find it. ^_^

I discovered another drug to sell
It costs less and turns on well
It doesn’t expire easily
It burns out pain, really
It’s an innovation
a combination
It’s a mixture of all the other drugs
I believe they call it LOVE

But needless to say, I warning you
It can turn you into another kind of guy
So no matter what you do,
Don’t let your parents catch you high

    ito yung ipapasa ko para sa ateneo.. okey lang bah? paki basa naman.. ^_^

      There are so many
things that I love and enjoy doing. I love chocolates, I love tapsilog, I love
making poems, I love ballet, I love singing, I love music, I love computer
games, I love puppies, I love kittens, and I love sports. I love sports because
with basketball, volleyball, tennis, badminton, golf, and all the other sports,
I can be who I’ve always wanted to be—not Sharapova, nor Jordan, neither Woods.
I can be true to what I feel. I can be true to what I want to do. I can be me. 

Every time I touch
a ball or a racket, there’s a certain spark that signals a magnetic force in my
mind which enables me to focus on the game. Focus. Sports give me focus like no
other kilig koreanovela can. In a
matter of choice, I’d rather jog every morning to keep in shape than to watch
“Which Star are you from?”, “Full House”, or “Princess Hours” (if their airtimes were transferred in the morning!).

Another thing that
I love about sports is that it gives me a way of killing boredom. The
unnecessary and meaningless thoughts that my creative mind formulates can be
discarded. My mind no longer needs a reason to go astray anymore because sports
teaches me to reflect on myself and my mistakes to become more mature. I don’t
let anybody influence me that easily anymore. I know now how to differentiate
right from wrong. So when I play, it’s just between the game and me. All that
would matter is how I played and why I played.

Unity. My teammates
taught me this. I’ve realized that I need it in the game, in my relationships
and in my life. Before I learned this word, I was always inconsiderate as to
what my sisters felt when I divided the Toblerone my mom would bring home as
our pasalubong. I’d often act like
the eldest even though I was only the second child.

“One for Ate Jica,
one for me, one for Jasmin, two for me, one for Julia Mae, three for me!”

But now that I’ve
grown, there is nothing sweeter than passing a ball to your teammates. Now that
I’ve grown, I can see the ridicule of being an island. Now that I’ve grown, I
listen to other people’s opinion and somehow trust them. Each mistake that I
make gives me an opportunity to learn new things. Now that I’ve grown, I can
enjoy the fun of sharing what my teammates and I love the most—the game.

The Enemy. The
words seem humorous to me because it’s ironical that I want all my opponents to
become my close friends. I’ve always idolized my opponents because I know that
most of them, are better than me. They have different attitudes and techniques
in playing the game. There are so many things that I have yet to learn. And I
usually learn it from them.

Sportsmanship is an
important value that I’ve acquired in playing different kinds of sports.
Throughout my childhood years, I’ve always been pikon and sometimes, I think I still am. I hated losing to my
sisters every time we started arguing. But my love for the game changed my
frame of view. I learned that losing does not tell the whole world that you are
useless, good-for-nothing nor stupid; it does not prove anything at all. Losing
only tells you to show the whole world that you’re willing to stand up and try
again. It tells you that you’re on your lowest state and that there’s no other
way but up. So , let’s go up!

I have a dream yet
to fulfill. A dream that I’ve been wanting to reach since I’ve first touched
this rough, spherical, red orange-colored ball. My heart would pound. My chest
would scream. And I’ve decided that I wanted more of this feeling, this dream.
A dream that would certainly give me true happiness. A dream that would add
sense as to why I would want to continue struggling to learn more. And that
dream is to become a tri-athlete.

you’d been down for days

you suddenly realize, it’s time for new ways

you finally stood up on your feet

then you see a heart-shaped paper lying on the street

your curiosity gave you the urge to pick it up

you mumbled, "i thought littering stopped"

you opened the paper and started to read

you’d never realize where your curiosity would lead

you read slowly: if you take this letter with you,

your destiny will change, it’s true!

you must look at the back at the count of three

or you might miss the chance of glancing at me

it’s your decision if you’d follow what is written

but remember to trust your heart, cuz’ something good might happen

you will find me behind you, near a fir tree

one, two, three, now look for me!

you looked behind and saw nothing at all

but a mere dog and a tree, that’s all

you asked yourself if you’ve been tricked

it’s been three minutes, your watch ticked

you turn around again, to take another look

but no knight, no celebrity, not even a duke!

you had to trust the paper, so you looked once more

your whole body dropped suddenly on the floor!

you were shocked and amazed with the never-before-seen:

the dog turned into a cute millionaire teen!

"hi, i’m adrew, you can call me andy or drew.

i’m very glad that you followed my cue.

you looked back thrice, and trusted it all

for no one nowadays, would be easy to fall."

in awe, you gave a loud scream

but as soon as you were done, it was all a dream.

A deeper meaning

Is inside my heart

The love I’m feeling

Make’s me feel smart

Picking the right choice

In love, I may be

But a meaningful voice

Is all it takes to see..

Yes or no — that’s it!

There’s no other answers

But make sure it would fit

In the right manners

If no, then you must

Answer politely..

If yes, then be just..

Don’t make hi go crazy!

She said:
"Ask me,
What is the most important thing you wanted in your life?"

I whispered to her softly the question.

"It is to be remembered not by everybody but at least even by my family. Or even the poor souls that I’ve helped. Or even the grumpy passers-by I smiled at. Or even the little ants I never stepped on. But no. There is only you. The one I’ve been purposely ignoring for the past decades. And yet, you remain at my side."

I stared at her politely, smiled at what she said and gave her a very soft kiss in the cheek.

"Thank you for remembering me."

She started to cry.
She was the most gracious lady anyone has ever met and yet noboody remembers her.
She loved everyone so she could be remembered.
She loved everyone for fame.
And now, she’s in pain.
She’s burning in eternal flame.
Still, I loved her just the same.

I hugged her for comfort.
I hugged her as softly as my kiss.

She felt cold.
She put on her jacket.
She closed the window.
I couldn’t come near her anymore.

The next thing I know, blood spluttered all over the glass of the window.
I started to hear her favorite song playing inside her room.
          "Do you know what it feels like
           Loving someone that’s in a rush to throw you away?
           Do you know what it feels like
           To be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed?"

I cried.
The clouds started to form.
I sobbed more and more.
The sky got darker and darker each time.
It stormed.

I was in rage.
Out of control.
I lost her.
I waited for her since forever.
And I still don’t get any chance.
Should I have not?
Was it not worth it?

I couldn’t do anything but blow a kiss and a hug.
I was only the wind.
My presence was felt.
I was only the wind.
I was unseen.
I was only the wind…

…and I am still waiting for her in the next lifetime.

lagi ko pong sinasabi sa prayer ko na:

"God, wag ka po munang makinig sa iniisip ko kasi alam ko pong maraming mas-importanteng tao ang humihingi po sayo ng tulong araw-araw..baka ma-busy ka pah po lalo dahil sa walang kwenta ko pong panalangin!"

pero..

God,pwede poh bang magpatulong kahit konti..

pwede poh bang sumingit sa mahabang linya ng mga humihingi sa iyo ng tulong?

pwede poh bang makinig ka sa akin kahit saglit lang?

pwede poh bang mag-sabi ng nararamdaman kong puwang sa puso kahit ngayon man lang?

pwede poh bah??

ayaw ko pong mag-desisyon.

bakit poh ba lagi akong nagdedesisyon??

gusto ko maging _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _…

love ko yun lahat!

pwo gusto nila isa lang daw piliin ko..

gusto ko po sanang lumipat sa diliman campus para sa luzon na ako tumira..para makasama ko na ang pamilya koh..

pwo ma-mi-miss ko talaga ang mga ka-batch ko..kaya ko poh bang tiisin ang isa pang taon doon?

gusto ko rin pong makipagbati kay _ _ _ _…naawa na po kasi ako sa kanya eh..

pwo gusto ko rin po na ma-realize nyang hindi po ako nadadala sa material things!!

pati sa _ _ _ _ pinapapili pa akoh!!

ayaw ko muna!!

kahit na napapangiti ako..

pagdedesisyon pa rin poh kasi eh..

ganito ba talaga kahirap ang buhay??!

sana poh mag-reply naman kayo God..

minsan lang poh ito..

sana pagbigyan nyo na po ako..

MARAMING SALAMAT poh!

ehehe..

P.S.

pa-add na rin poh sa friendster..

^_^

          It was a lovely afternoon. The rain was gone and the sun was smiling back again. The white clouds flourished the sky. My mother parked in front a house with a fancy bamboo fence (I never thought bamboo would be fancy). Alas! I got out of the car. The moment was beautiful. I stepped, for the first time, on a high class subdivision—-the Forbes Park.

          You might ask me, what’s a filthy and worthless girl like me doing in such an expansive place? Well, I might answer: Well, it’s none of your business. So let’s get on with the story, shall we?

          "So this is the house of Speaker Jdv.." That’s what they termed Speaker Jose de Venecia.

          "Wow!! This place is way awesome! I can’t believe I’m in a real mansion! Whoa!!! A swimming pool, a garden, two buildings, flat screen TV’s on every room.. This is a fantasy!!" I was screaming on my mind. Pretty unbelievable, but what the heck?

          Mother and I went inside the small house at the back of the bigger house. Nice place..  My mother introduced me to the congressmen in there and to other people in politics of which I’ve no idea what position they work in. I was in heaven. They served food and stuff like that. A maid asked me if I wanted anything and as a shy person with manners (ahehehe..), I said no. I wasn’t hungry anyway. But after a few minutes, she gave me fruits: an unpeeled orange (how can I possibly eat that?), sineguelas (is it spelled correctly?), and some small, red, unpeeled fruits, the size of a sineguelas. I ate one sineguelas but didn’t get to finish it all up.

          After tasting the sineguelas, I was focused on the glorious flat screen TV. HBO was on and I was having fun watching it. The story was good even though I didn’t get to start from the beginning. But dar n it! A guy put it on news. And on ABC! "If you’re putting on news mister, put it on GMA!", I scolded him in my mind. I wouldn’t have thought that if he wasn’t a grumpy old man. So there I was, watching some news. Boring ol’ news.

           Beside the board where it was placed was an aircon. The vertical kind. It was blinking. And blinking. And blinking. I enjoyed staring at it for a while. But I stopped knowing that there was a camera that was spying on us. Who knows what the people behind the camera might think?

          "Newsers peepers..", I told myself. Then a man sat down beside me, on my left. Nope, he wasn’t the grumpy elder. He was friendly and he had a sense of humor. He asked me questions like where I went to school and who was I with. The questions led to the stories he told me. He started talking about people he knew who never study but were really, really smart. Then he started talking about college. At the back of my mind, I was thinking, is this my mother’s accomplice? Why is he talking about the importance of studying? I was experiencing guilt. Fyi, I don’t really give study an importance. To prevent the crime of not studying become a soulful sin, I took an opportunity, when he was not talking, and asked him what course he got.  And he said: " I took up Biology. And I end up here in politics. I was studying environmental management. And this is what I’m managing. " He pointed out to the politicians in front of our table who were noisy and all. I laughed at his joke a little, so not to make a big scene.

          In the evening, my mother asked what the guy and I were talking about. I said, "Wala lang." Preventing the explanation from getting long. It was my turn to ask her,
     "Mom, was Jdv there?"
     "Yes, he was there for a while."
     "Was he the guy with a bald head but had hair on his forehead?"
     "Haha. Ssshhhh.."

          When I woke up in the morning, I came to a realization that everyone on that small house was important. So I asked my mother who was I talking to. She told his name was Mex, blah, blah, blah, blah..

          I should’ve not written this. After all, Mr. Mex was ONLY an assistant secretary of Malacañang. Who would care? Hehehe.. ^_^

All hopes are abandoned
All dreams have died
The promises I’ve mentioned
Will no longer survive

For I am in the dark
And forever will be
I still have the mark
Of the devil beside me

Caged and forbidden
Unfortunate and not free
Yet unwritten but spoken
That’s how our love’s gon’ be

This suicide I’ll make
Is dedicated to you
Loving a devil, for God’s sake,
Just to prove my love is true.

I was preparing my cup of coffee that morning. It was only nine and my back was aching again. Yep, I know what you’re thinking. Possibly: “Nine? And you paired that with the word ONLY.” Or, “Nine? Wow dudette, I wake up after lunch!” But you know what, let’s skip the comic relief and get on with my Sunday morning.

 So I sat down on the floor by the electric fan to take some of the heat out of my body because soon, I’ll be drinking a scrumcious treat that I’d be giving myself. Well, since I’m still a minor and my parents would sermon like hell if they saw me with this, ‘twas a pretty good thing that everyone was still in bed. With the Domyoujii’s, no one is awake until after lunch time (except for me ofcourse).

 I was stirring the coffee. I smelled it. The aroma was just lovely and the feeling was great too. Mmmm.. Finally, I could get away from thinking so much and just concentrate on one thought that would make me feel even better than what I was feeling back then. I took a sip. Eww.. My coffee tasted bitter!

             I stood up to get some sugar. I went to the kitchen but I couldn’t seem to find the sugar there. "Salt, vinegar, soysauce, Mang Tomas, no sugar?" I tried to reach over the cupboard and searched there. Still, no luck. I kept on searching until I stooped and then accidentally stepped on my basketball. I thought, "What a messy house we have!" But then I realized that I was the last one who used it.             

            Yep. I went on a 6am shoot out. You know,I was talking to myself again (and I was not alone on the court!). And so, here were my thoughts..

 Dar n it! If I continue missing, I’m going back to the first line of this rainbow! Curses! Curses! Curses! Dar n it!

 I can’t help it! What happened to my style of shooting? I must’ve altered it. Maybe because I was jealous of that Chinese-looking guy that, I figured, had a last name like “Swak”. Maybe I should really be original. Yep, I’ll go back to my froggish jump and to my way of shooting where my butt would stick out. At least with that kind of style, I shoot better (I thank heavens for my ASSet).

 Okay, so I’ll start with the first line of the rainbow again.

 Level one. Janah, just exert a little amount of energy, okay? Because if you don’t you’ll miss it. Remember the rule: If you miss a shot on a certain line, you’ll go back to the line before it. Got it? I got it! Woohoooo! I shot the first one!

 Level two. Just relax. No pressure on you. It’s not that you must shoot it. It’s just that you have to! Release it with grace. Follow my instructions carefully. Waaahh!! I got a swak!!

 Level three. I;m getting there. I must keep my aura flowing. Hah! Ring less! Well whad’ya know? Just 8 more lines to go through!

 Level four. Getting all warmed up now. Three shots straight! No mistakes! I’m startin’ to get a good feeling. Haha! Nice shot! Well done Janah, well done.

 Level five. O-oh.. I hate this part. I ain’t good at this part of the court. It’s completely diagonal! Here it comes.. Oh! I am down with this game!

 Level six. The free throw. This is by far the most dangerous part of the rainbow. Your angles have to be really exact else your gone. Your gon’ back home to five dude. Gon’ back home.. Hehe.. Well if it isn’t a perfect shot! “Mas swak pa sa swak!”

 Level seven. I can’t believe I’m at the other side of the rainbow! I am so gonna get past through this. If not, who knows what would happen? Maybe back to number one?? Here goes nothin’.. Oh men! But wait. Thank God!! That was a close one. The ball nearly fell out of the ring! Good thing it fell in!

 Level eight. What a drag! Level eight is as hard as level seven! I doubt I can make this one. I don’t want my hopes to get too high, now don’t I? O God! So help me God! O well, here goes nothin’! Whoa!! I can’t believe this! It nearly slipped off! So you are helping me God!!

 Level nine. (I guess I was chanting) O yea, o yea, u-huh, o yea, in your face John Cena! I’m in level eight. I’m in level eight. I’m almost level nine. O yea, o yea.. (okay, so I was kinda announcing) And Janah shoots! And she levels up to ten!

 Level ten. No more thoughts. Just shoot! One more to go! Piece of cake!

 Level eleven. The last one. Hah! I got it!! But wait a minute. There’s still the shot from under the ring.

 Level under-the-ring. Just do the boarding Janah. You can do it! Okay. I will. Yep. I did it all right! And then there’s the three-point shot. So I can finally complete my rainbow dream!

 Level three-point-shot-to-complete-my-rainbow-dream. I bet I can’t do this anymore. Even though I’ve completed the rainbow without any mistakes, I believe I’d be in heaven if I make this one. So here it is. No styles. Just plain me. Shoot, please shoot!! What the!!??!?! Is this heaven?? I even got the suicide shot (which was the three-point shot)!

              Oh, so there’s the sugar. It was on the dining table all along!

              My back ache was soothed and my coffee was sweet for the first time.

              It was an almost perfect day.