Glasses.
Guitar.
Orange Hard Rock Cafe Shirt.
Red cap.
Basketball.
National Oratorical Contest.
Literature.
Water (sung).
Theatrical Plays.
Foundation Day.
These words remind me of him. It had always occured to me that whenever my imagination drifts off to see him, I would then feel like I’ve cheated right in front of Jerome. I have been. Just thinking about someone else frequently when you’re in a relationship IS cheating..right? Though Jerome is my type of guy, I just can’t stop remembering him. Plus, I feel like I’m just using Jerome to forget him. I feel awfuly guilty, for I will always be obsessed of him.
No matter how much pain he caused me, how many times I cried, how long I tried to wait then end up being broken, I just can’t seem to forget. Do you want to know why? Though it’s hard to reminisce the past, here it goes…
Elementary. You must be thinking "that soon??". Well, yeah.. Age doesn’t matter right?
Grade 6. September 8. School’s Foundation Day. How can I forget? I was asked by Pat, a close friend, who really is my crush. I told myself "Yeah.. Who is my crush? I don’t like Peter Saber anymore. He’s too.. something. So, who should I..this….time?" While saying those words, I saw him playing on the garden 
near the gate of our school. I was like "Hey, who is that guy? He could be perfect." But it seems to me that I only picked him because Pat’s crush was also a 4th year high school. Who cares? Now I can tell everybody (not really literal..) that I have a new crush. How silly of me huh? I still had a young heart back then. A heart that can only give the most immature love.
So after deciding that he will become my official crush, I told Pat. And ofcourse, some other close friends of mine.
Next day, the barn dance 
came. A yearly event in school where graders get to wear a cowgirl or cowboy suit and dance with guys or girls in a circle. You also have to sing while doing the dance:"Heel and toe (point yor toe upward then downward), heel and toe (point yor toe upward then downward), 1, 2, 3, 4 (girls stride to the right), heel and toe (point yor toe upward then downward), heel and toe (point yor toe upward then downward), 1, 2, 3, 4 (girls stride to the left), 1, 2, 3 (slap your thighs with your palms), 1, 2, 3 (slap the palms of your partner), 1, 2, 3 (slap your partner’s right hand with your own), 1, 2, 3 (slap your partner’s left hand with your own), 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 (exchange partners!)." But I didn’t feel even a bit of excitement. Before, I always liked the barn dance because I often thought that it would be my chance to dance with Peter. So I wondered why no feeling of anxiety came creeping my soul. So there I was. Dancing with my guy partner and feeling no fun at all (okay, maybe a little). After the event was the barn dance competion. This time, high schoolers were conquering the dance floor. Each hs year level danced to the beat of their own chosen country song. They’d compete who’d have the best dance. While Pat was looking at Karl as he danced on the dance floor, I was looking at him. ‘Twas then I realized that I really liked him… for real!
When normal schooldays came, I suddenly became obsessed of him! I looked secretly everywhere to try and see his face again while my friends and I walked near the high school building (the elementary and high school building were separated). It’s like, he’s the air that I breathe.. I couldn’t live without breathing him. Or he’s the blood that my heart beats. Well, you get the point right?
They say the most painful thing about secretly loving is it NEVER fades. So how am I suppose to deal with this? Since then, he never knew me. And I guess until now he never did. I wanted him to know me. But I couldn’t even get close to him. I was too sensitive. I always thought that he knew I had a secret crush on him. Not that it spread. It just felt like it did.
So, what’s a hopeless girl to do?
One time, I saw Andrew Palmers starting this so-called "signature campaign". And guess what? He signed on Andrew’s fake signature campaign! I really didn’t know what got into my mind back then.. because, I started my own signature campaign! Well, ofcourse, with the help of my friends. I let everyone I met along the way sign it. Some said no. Maybe because they think we were fools (which turned out to be the exact truth in real life). Some just wanted to write, not even knowing the purpose of the campaign. And some questioned us! ‘Twas the scariest thing. Especially when Sir Norman asked what we were campaigning for. I didn’t answer. I didn’t know what it meant.
So we went through the whole campus to gather signatures. And alas! A month went by. Still no signature from him. Why? If you’re thinking that I’m shy to ask for his signature, well, you’re wrong! I am totally very shy! As I’ve written a while ago, it’s hard enough to come close to him. My heart pounds really loud. Like big drums. Tugtug. Tugtug. Bom. Bom. It felt like he might hear it and he might even figure out he’s the one that I cherish the most.
And so the time came that I really had to do it. For the sake of my friends’ undying effort to let me.
He passed by the corner of the corridor. My heart was pounding. Thug. Thug. I went near him. Gave a smile (which, I hope, didn’t show any signs), then gave him my pen and asked for his signature. He was like this very famous and unreachable celebrity. And I was like his #1 fan.. tracking his every location, observing his every move, laughing at his jokes (which includes the corny ones), following him like an unnoticeable stalker, and ofcourse, dying to get his signature no matter the risk.
When he handed me the pen, I felt so.. so.. I felt like I was floating on cloud nine! I really couldn’t describe the feeling. My face was boiling hot because of extreme embarassment and anxiousness to tell my friends that I finally have it! His Signature!! Then, I blushed. Good thing no one can ever notice it because of my brown complexion.
And so I got his signature..so what? Thinking of it right now makes me sick! What’s the purpose of his stupid signature?? Why do I feel so much joy when he touched my beautiful pilot?? Why?? I lost it anyway!!
Darn!
He was always the main character in theatrical plays..since he was so great at it. So I always (and I mean all the time) hang near the stage stairs where they usually practice. Before he got on stage, he usually walks by us while playing his guitar and singing to himself. I never actually heard what he sung. But that’s when I started to want playing guitar. Yet I only learned how to play it after 2 years of remembering him.
So there he was. Practising his act. Not knowing that a stranger’s eye was sticking to his glorious facade. Since he loved basketball like I do (I loved it even before I knew him) and the basketball court
was in front of the stage
, I was more passionate with playing yet never did I miss a glance at him. I guess I was trying to impress him. I wanted him to notice me. My heart was saying: "Hey! Over here mister! I’m the girl you want. Yes I am. Sporty and ‘kikay’. So notice me. Know my name. Figure out that a girl like me is alive and concious and is willing to know you are too. Hey! Please..notice me." But no matter how my heart shouted, no matter how impressive I am, still, no signs of progress.
2 b cont’d..^_^
